I love my father. but as it is a common occurrence in Indian families, where we did not express our emotions verbally or openly to our fathers. in fact, sometimes, even we did not realize the true breadth and depth of his presence. until something like this happened…
I also had a heart-rending experience around 5 years ago, when I had realised the true breadth and depth of his presence in my life. It was the time when I was expecting my second baby. And this year “waiting for the arrival of new baby” was the most exciting thing for us. Good friends, family and most importantly “My parents” were the most integral part of my life. Everything was smooth and awesome. It was 2 days after the “Christmas” celebration; I was alone in my house (my husband was out of town). It was 11 p.m. And suddenly a call arrived with an annoying consistency; a shrill ring has waked me up from blissful slumber. It was my mom’s call. She said,
“Sweetie …papa had some health issues…and the doctor had recommended some tests. But do not worry, everything is fine”. She was sounding very low.
But as I had a highly emotional equation with my mom, I have realised one thing instantly that “Everything is not fine” and decided to go for my native place as early as possible. I had packed my bags haphazardly and took the earliest possible bus with my little 3-year-old doll. It was the most wrenching journey of my life that I have ever done. Physically as well as mentally. I had felt an unaccountable sense of fear and anxiety. A strong feeling of apprehension, restlessness and a persistent thought that “something bad is going to happen” were overwhelming my mental and physical status. Anyhow, I had reached my native place and got a temporary sense of relief after hugging my papa.
After that, we had wasted no time getting to the hospital. Within few hours of arrival and after completing certain test doctor had provided us with a complete diagnosis with some scary words,
“It is a straightforward case of myocardial infarction (Heart attack). As your father is diabetic that’s why he had not got any typical acute symptoms (pain in chest, unconsciousness) except some mild digestive symptoms. He had explained angioplasty and bypass surgery as a treatment option with all possible pros and cons.”
Doctor’s verdict shatters our sense of well-being and security within few minutes. We were trying to rationalise what happened? Why happened? It was a feeling that left us emotionally damaged. It took a while to get over the pain and feel safe again. For moving ahead and making a correct choice regarding further treatment, I had called my little brother. Within few hours, he was also with us.
We all had intense and really big scary emotion (fear, anxiety, frustration), but we all were trying to retreating ourselves to avoid a dialogue that might end up making feel us worse. We were concealing our emotional fragility from each other with the fear that exposing it would make us look weak and helpless. We were trying to hide our fear and emotional pain from each other constantly. And while doing that, we had barely said two words to each other.
We moved from one clinic to another for confirming the diagnosis and selecting the best treatment. And after two days, we had selected “Angioplasty” as a preferred treatment option. Next day, we were in the hospital.
Doctors were busy in the pre-operative preparations. Very soon, papa was dressed in the hospital gown. He was looking very comfortable with a peaceful smile on the face (that he always had). He had not wanted his pain and struggle to make him like the victim. And we all were trying again to control our emotions (fear, anxiety) forcefully. Doctors took him into operation room within few minutes. As soon as he left the room, our heart gets broken so badly. This time we wouldn’t be able to control our emotions any more. We (mom, Bhai and I) cried simultaneously with a deep pain inside the heart. We all had thousands of memories of being together as a family. His love, support, care….cannot explain in words get rememorized in few seconds. We were earnestly doing a prayer for his well-being. We just want a divine protection and provision for a successful surgery. We had only a single emotion that we need him…we would be last without him.
Whenever our dear one has an illness that could be life-threatening and when we lived in the uncertainty of not knowing whether he would survive or not…is the most unfortunate situation to deal with. It felt unreal and we just want that it is only a nightmare.
It took almost 7 days from making a diagnosis then surgery and lastly the post-operative measures. But those 7 days were the most difficult, most complicated days of my life. I never want to feel the intense agony, the emotional pain of “those 7 days” again in my life. And wish nobody has those circumstances when they had a fear of losing to their dear one even for a moment.
We were waiting impatiently outside the operation theatre for doctors. We just want to listen to that “surgery is successful, everything is fine”. And God was kind to us, within few hours, the doctor came and said, “Do not worry, everything is fine”. Your father gets discharged within 2 days.
With the grace of God, Papa got a faster recovery. He was feeling well physically as well as mentally…and so that we also. Now,
The long 5 years had passed. And we again had a loving peaceful family life. After that incidence, I had realised the true depth of relationship in life. After that incidence, I want to enjoy each and every tiny moment of togetherness with family. Everything is fine…. But still, I could not forget “those 7 scary days of holiday”. It was those days when I had realised that “My father is my whole world”
“Life is so short. We all love our family, but sometimes minor family conflicts; misunderstandings spoil the true joy of our relationships. We used to behave mostly ego-centric with a persistent feeling only of oneself, without regard for the feelings or desires of others. We think that “I am always right”, and while flowing with these ego-centric emotions we forget to enjoy the most beautiful gift of God (our family, our relationships) so,
“Love your family, spend time, be kind, serve one-another, make no room for regrets. Because tomorrow is not promised and today is very short”.
What are your thoughts? Do you have any experience like this? Please share with us.
This post is an entry for father’s day contest, hosted byKreativemommy.com